just the girly things
- forcing an earing through a closed piercing
- taking off tight clothes and rubbing the indents they left on your skin
- human sacrifice
- homemade face masks
(via thebootydiaries)
My boyfriend: *yells at me*
Me: did I pee my pants or am I wet
me as a mother: girl what he do
(via imhereonthefloor)
A few years ago when moving houses, we had to sell our Ikea PAX wardrobe as it wouldn’t fit in our new place. This thing was massive, and took hours to originally build. My wife diligently took photos of it open/closed at different angles and advertised it as for sale online. Soon after we had a winning bidder, and for a pretty decent price too! We arranged a pickup date and all seemed to be going smoothly.
Nobody:
My brain at 3am: stop don’t touch, leave the area, tell an adult
nothing is more aesthetically pleasing than looking at a picture of you and feeling as if you are staring right into the heart of my soul
Me: *sees my stuffed animal on the floor next to my bed*
Me: Why wasn’t I a better parent
(via thebootydiaries)
working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed
(via zackisontumblr)
*gets down on one knee* *gets down on other knee* *lays down on ground* *doesn’t get up ever*
(via thebootydiaries)
Come get this dick-fil-a
(via lostdiamonds)